Category: The DayBook

OK, another damp and cloudy day. And tomorrow is supposed to be more rainy than cloudy. So, I am taking a “rain day” off from the job. I don’t really have much to do right now anyhow. No reason to just hang out at the office. Gotta learn to have a life.

For 2 years, every hour of every day was devoted to keeping Carlton alive and “well”. The next year was devoted to doing “The Widow Peg’s Paperwork” and to finding a place to live and downsizing into that place to live. Not to mention moving.

Now, Carlton is back from med school. He is waiting to go back home to Hawai’i.

Now, I have to get myself on a the way forward. Whatever it is.

 

This is getting boring. 15 days in a row of rain. Will it rain tomorrow?

This Blog is about 15 years old. And, 15 years ago today – I was getting us ready to go to Skagway for the summer. 11 May 2001. 

My life isn’t as interesting this May 11th. But, that isn’t anyone’s fault but mine. Oh, I have a lot to be grateful about. But, it is just a little boring. Or maybe it is the rain. Or maybe I need a vacation.

But wait. What was I doing a year ago? Not my very best day. I was having much angst. trying to decide if I should move to Goodwin House – AKA – the asylum. That was an interesting time. Not necessarily a good interesting.

Guess I am just settling into the “new normal”.

Well, it is still cloudy, cool and damp. It has rained 13 days in a row. (Sunday was mostly sunny, however.)

For some reason, today’s yoga left me completely exhausted. So, I spent the afternoon napping. I “deal with” stuff – by going into Energizer Bunny mode. Sometimes, I don’t notice that I am in EB mode.  I may have slipped into EB mode over Carlton’s final service. Carlton would recognize EB mode and force me to slow down. Now, I have to be my own governor. My own sea anchor.

Isn’t she just grand?

 

Ok, I got this one done. It wasn’t bad. It was the basically the Mass of Christian Burial. There was a little speech by the dean of the medical school, the resident rabbi read the Kaddish, and one of the students had words of thanks. Then Father Sol took over and it was the regular memorial mass – except at the end – where the dead is commended to the angels, God, etc… was replaced by the students giving roses to the families.

About 100 students and maybe 200 friends and family were in attendance.

After it was over – we had a little lunch. Note to Carlton: They had brownies.

And then I went up to the chapel and picked up Carlton.

And then Carlton’s AA buddy – who was supposed to visit him on his last day – brought me home. So, I didn’t end up riding the buses with Carlton on my lap.

It is all good and all done. Except for getting home to Kona.

Another note to Carlton: Transit of Mercury occurred today. And I picked up a penny. It was rainy too – consider it a blessing.

Today, I decided to face tomorrow. Tomorrow is Carlton’s Donor Mass. Oh, it isn’t just for him – it is for all of this academic year cadavers. I am guessing maybe 75 or 80.

I have been a little apprehensive about this. But, the apprehension seems to be lessening as the day gets closer. I only get one chance to do this. So, I decided to make a test run over to Georgetown this morning – after breakfast and laundry.

Walk to bus. Bus to metro. Metro to Rosslyn. Walk to Georgetown. Up The Exorcist stairs. Find tomorrow’s venue. All Good.

Then I explored around the Hospital/Medical School. And, I found one of the old “Party Animals” – leftover from a fun public art project in 2002 – when politics was still relatively civil.

The elephant, named Wisdom,  is covered in wishes from cancer patients.

Tomorrow – I will – Shut Up, Suit Up and Show Up – as Carlton would tell me to do. And I will wear an old cheongsam “split up to there”. (Carlton was a big fan of Bill Callahan – the man only knows 5 cords – but Carlton liked all 5 of them – and he liked “Dress Sexy at My Funeral”.) I can not be disrespectful. Because, this isn’t about me. Or about Carlton. It really is about the kids. The first year medical students. The cheongsam isn’t that sexy. But, it is the best I can do, Carlton. Because, dear man, I am old. And, the ain’t nothing sexy about old.

I wonder if they are going to give me a little box with Carlton inside? Will he come home on the bus on my lap. I think I take a big purse. I figure a cremated a Carlton will weigh about 4.5 pounds. And, I plan on putting him in a flat rate box and sending him to Kona next fall. Legally, he is supposed to be mailed Express rate not flat rate. But I have a friend who shipped her hubby to Kona in a flat rate box with some dominoes. Her hubby was pretty cheap. Just like Carlton. Well, that is all wreckage of the future.

 

 

Just in time – the sun came out this morning. I rushed out to shoot anything. Ended up shooting rain drops.

Then lunch with an old NPS friend and boss.

Then dinner with a new asylum friend. It is strange to be a part of this community. I need to constantly remind myself how important it is to accept and embrace the community. Not unlike the Buddhist concept of Refuge. As you practice Buddhism you take refuge in the Buddha, in the teachings or dharma, and in the community or sangha.

It has rained for eleven days in a row. One of the nurses said it was like Europe without the good wine and cheese. I said it was like Portland without legal weed and assisted suicide.

Later today: happy hour, dinner, and a movie with “the girls”.

No, this is not for Cinco de Mayo. The Mariachi Rubber Ducks are always on display in the 6th floor of our building every day. I don’t know why. We don’t have rubber ducks on our floor. And what’s more – if you want your very own Mariachi Duckies – you can buy a flock of them from Amazon.Com – I wonder what other rubber ducks are available? Maybe, The Donald Rubber Ducks.

Who would have guessed that The Donald would be the Republican candidate for President? Was it only last June when we were all doing a happy dance because The Donald tossed this hair in the ring. We looked forward to a little summer of good theater until the serious candidates took center stage.

As bad as The Donald is. Ted Cruz is worse. He is a zealot. And zealots should be avoided. I remember being scared when Barry Goldwater said “I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. And let me remind you also that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.” 

Cold and rainy here today. I bussed half way home – and Ubered the rest of the way. Went to the pool for a nice swim. I am not very fond of swimming laps. BORING. Very BORING. I topped it off with a visit to the steamroom. Steam Rooms always seem a little sinister. They don’t seem to be 100% sanitary. And, there is always the question – will the door open? And, who is lurking over in the corner that you can not see… Too many B-Movies in my formative years, I guess. Saunas aren’t as spooky.

Long Long day at the office. I was out the door at 0600 and didn’t make it make until 1600. And, I missed breakfast and lunch. That made a long day for this Old Bat. And, I was really happy to be back “home” at the OBC.

The OBC is slowly becoming home. And, I am slowly hacking out an identity other as something other than Carlton’s Wife/Long Time Companion. I am happy to be included in a circle of “widow/single women” who are about my age and who have moved into the Asylum within the last couple of years. If nothing else, we all survived the downsizing and the move.

Did I mention it was a long day. And that I am looking forward to “Free Wine Night”. I might even get some dinner to go with the Free Wine.

This picture reminded me of a trip that Carlton and I made to Hapuna Beach. Mr C wanted to go body surfing. When we arrived at the beach, Carlton discovered that his swim trunks were back at the hotel. Being an ever loving wife – I gave up my shorts and spent the entire time sitting on the beach wrapped up in a towel. (I hadn’t planned on swimming – so I didn’t have a suit.) I wonder if I blogged about this? Yes, I did. Check it out.

I don’t think this photo will make it to Shamu the Phone. But, it was fun to remember.

This one from the vault is fun – It was taken in the “rotunda” of the very asylum where I am now ensconced. Carlton was a volunteer. I had to come along to a party and sing harmony. This one will make it to the phone.

I decided that I needed a picture frame. And, if it had an OK mat – all’s the better. So, I went off to the Goodwill in search of one this afternoon. Found one $2.99 that seemed to fill the bill. I notice that the program was signed. Figured it was someone in the company…

But, no – when I got it home and put on my glasses

It is signed by Hillary Rodham Clinton. And – a pretty hasty but nevertheless real – I think –

Bill Clinton signature. A quick internet search confirms that Bill and Hillary were in Vail Colorado on Aug 14, 1993 and they did attend a benefit by the Bolshoi with the Jerry and Betty Ford.

I think maybe I’ll not use this frame after all. Maybe I’ll hang it in my closet where it will not suffer any more light damage to the signatures. I suspect that something signed by both – especially assuming that Hillary wins in November – might be worth more than $2.99. And, in the frame – with the ticket – that sort of nails the provenance. It wasn’t signed by a machine.

Sort of cool, don’t you think?

And that is as close to a horse as Carlton ever got! I am still taking a little trip back in time selecting Carlton pictures for Shamu the Phone. I am reminded of how much Carlton loved our time in the Parks. And how much he loved Hawai’i. That about settles it – his ashes need to go back “home” to Hawai’i – like he wanted. I think he would really like to make a “Victory Lap” and get left off in Hot Springs, Harpers Ferry, Theodore Roosevelt, Yosemite, and Skagway with whatever was left ending up in Hawai’i… We might leave out Petersburg, Lowell and Volcano. But, I don’t see that happening. Like my friend from Iowa did with her hubby – I’ll just put him in a flat rate box and ship him to Kona.

Hey, remember last week I said I couldn’t get the back back on my Timex after changing the battery? Well, today, I was folding some paper down in the asylum art studio – they have good lighting – where a found a vice. Put my watch in the vice and squeezed real hard and the back snapped back on. Don’t think this Timex gets another battery change – even if I can get the back off again.

I had a fine rainy day, doing laundry, folding paper, walking the halls, looking at old pictures. And reading Auntie Mame. Which I found when I was putting my Kindle back to rights.

It is back to work tomorrow for another busy week.

Thinking about the Republican Convention. It is going to make “our” 1968 Convention look like a Sunday School Picnic. I don’t have a good feeling about this. And, John McCain – I blame you for this. If you hadn’t unleashed She Who Must Not Be Mentioned on us – this might not be happening. But, you there is no unringing the bell.

Damn, I still love that man. He was serious high maintenance – but worth it. That picture is from 2009. I occurred to me that I have over 1,000 pictures of Carlton in Lightroom but none in Shamu the Phone. So, I am picking out a few to put in my phone.

Oh, what was unpleasant. First the weather today. But, that isn’t the issue. The issue is… My Kindle. My Kindle was on the bed. Where it is almost all of the time. I must have put something on top of the Kindle and accidently hit the on/off button. The button was kept pushed in too long and the Kindle did a factory reset. It was all setup and the books organized just like I wanted them. And, it wasn’t backed up to “the cloud”. The books are still safe “in the cloud”. But, the organization is lost. Sort of like all your dead tree books fell off the shelves…