life in the old lane

You know, as much as I love Halloween… This really hasn’t been my favorite October. Last October wasn’t to good either. Not giving up on Halloween. Might give up on October.

I got the car almost gone. So, when I come back from Hawai’i I’ll not have to deal with 4 flat tires and a dead battery – and a $500 garage bill. And, the mail is taken care of. I may get my act to Hawai’i after all. Just trying to be sure that I either take or have a scanned copy of any paperwork I might need.

I really don’t need an iPhone. I don’t even want an iPhone. But, every fall – I have to tell myself this all over again. I have a good cell data plan for my iPad. And, I have my antique clam shell cell phone. It makes phone calls. It receives text messages – but it is a pain to text back. Can use the iPad for texting.

Gotta vote too.

Installation of Yosemite – not a problem.

Had another “new normal” day. I didn’t go running around like a crazy woman. I  read the papers. For the first time in three weeks I could actually read an entire paragraph. Kind of scary when you think of all those financial document that I have signed recently. Went to Trader Joe’s for no apparent reason. Went to the Apple Store and got a new back up drive. I am taking the Airness to Kona. And, it makes no sense at all to take the Airness and its only backup drive. Two TimeMachine backups are better than one.

Oh, and I went to Crate and Barrel and found a couple of chairs that I would like for my new apartment at the old ladies asylum. My chairs are approaching 50 years old. They a very low slung. And, I notice that more and more of my friends just can not sit in them anymore. It might be time to upgrade to more age appropriate seating. I will not get any new furniture until I sign on the dotted line for new digs.

And, I started downloading Yosemite. Remember. I have snail internet. I used to be able to take my LAN cable down and tap into the building FIOS LAN. Not anymore. And, the building wifi is as slow as mine is. I took my machine over to the library – library wifi is faster. But, it was still going to take 5 hours. Hanging out at the library for 5 hours wasn’t in my game plan. So, it is every so slowly downloading. Which will be fine – if it finished. Sometime tomorrow. I must confess, I do not know how fast wifi at my Starbucks is. I may treat myself to an espresso later this evening and finish the download off – if my store has been upgraded.

About the library. I don’t recall ever going to the library on Sunday. Sunday AM was always for kitchen cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. In the afternoon – I would cook and Carlton and I would read the Sunday papers. He would watch sports on TV. But, this afternoon… I went to the library. It was stuffed with people. People using the computers. People using their own computers. People reading newspapers. People reading real dead tree books. Young people doing what looked like homework. If I die before I get my will redone, most of our money goes to the Arlington Country Library. And, from what I saw this afternoon – I couldn’t be happier. Government money, truly well spent.

UPDATE – Yosemite moving right nicely down at the Starbucks.

Time to unleash a Halloween theme. Mr C liked Halloween. He liked the candy.

Today was better than yesterday. I tried to have a “new normal” day. A day without heaps of frantic activity. I actually read a few chapters in a book – reading has been hard. And took a nap. Also, cooked up some tortelline in the little crock pot. It smells good. Hope it is good. I can eat. I just can not cook. As in chopping, slicing, dicing, stirfrying that I used to do almost every day. But, I seem to be able to toss stuff in the crock pot. The crock pot might save me from a life of Lean Cuisine.

Note to Carlton: Three weeks of this widow shit now. I sent cards to some of your friends. You had a lot of them. And you don’t seem to have any thing like an address book. SO, don’t be mad at me if I miss someone. Which I am sure I will do. Heck, lots of your friends don’t even have last names!

One can get in a car and drive out into the country and look at leaves. Or one can just walk around the neighborhood.

I think that I have finished the initial onslaught of paperwork. I faxed off one big package and mailed another today.

Before leaving for Kona, I have to deal with the car and figure out how to get the mail to me in Kona. We usually just let it pile up here. Not the best plan this year. Having the USPS forward the mail is not the best plan. That is Plan D or E.

Not my very best day… This morning, I knew that if Carlton hadn’t died, he would have been looking out the window this morning – watching the plane that we were going to be on next Friday. Now, it is going to be just me.

One of the nurses brought me lunch today. Sandwich, veggies, chips, yogurt, granola bar. I needed that.

OK girl – enough moping. I have moped all day. Carlton wouldn’t approve. No moping.

 

The Capital is being scaffolded. You may remember a couple of years ago, the Monument got the treatment.

The paperwork continues. I mailed one package off today. I’ll fax off another one tomorrow. I emptied the recycling. Didn’t vacuum yet.

OK Carlton, all is forgiven. You can come back home anytime now. The floors haven’t been vacuumed in almost 3 weeks. The recycle box is full. The top of your desk is a mess. You are needed. And, I am making shrimp fajitas for dinner. You didn’t finish up the ice cream. There is over a quart of fine vanilla ice cream in the freezer.  Does that lure you back?

Cool/Cold/Rainy today. Knocked off some more paperwork today.

If Carlton were still with us – he would say that he had become “A legend in his own mind”…

I miss the man dearly – but I really can not begrudge him his very graceful exit.

I’ll put the world series on the TV and it will be like he is still here. I spend all afternoon working on Death Details – but the night belongs to Denial.

Tired. That is all. Just tired. I need Hawai’i.

I am sure it isn’t the fault of the workers – but dealing with Social Security is sort of like dealing with a concrete wall. A lot of effort and no results.

I sort of got some stuff done today. I took Mr C’s car on an errand run over to Maryland this morning. I didn’t hit anything. But, I so don’t need a car. The car will be gone before I go to Hawai’i. I can take 468 bus trips for what it will cost to garage the car while I am in Kona.

Last Saturday, my coworkers sent me a delightful basket of flowers. Roses, sunflowers, asters and lilies. Today, the basket was looking rather tired. But, there was one rose remaining. That last rose made me cry. Why? I think it is because, the rose used to be part of something wonderful. Now it is alone. I used to be a part of something wonderful – Carlton&Peg – and now I am alone. And it is not wonderful. Sigh.

Here it was Sunday – and time to make a meal out of real ingredients. What to cook? Why not Crockpot Eggs For One – 500 calories. It was pretty good.

2 eggs
4 oz 2% cottage cheese
1/2 cup spinach
2 oz diced ham
1/4 cup grated cheese
“enough” curry powder
Mix up everything except the cheese
Put into oiled little crockpot
Top with cheese
Cook on high 90 minutes or so.
Serve with lots of salsa.

I almost didn’t go to Howard’s Homecoming Parade. Thought I should work on my post processing Carlton stuff. But, I managed to knock one thing off the 2DO list early this AM and went to the parade. The paper work can wait. I can take it to Kona with me.

Note to Carlton:

Well, two weeks now – being your widow. Lots of things I wish I could tell you. Ryan – you remember him – the kid from HAFE – he is Chief Ranger at GETT now. And, your friend Chris went to Harpers Ferry and left flowers and a card for you at the confluence of the Potomac and Shenandoah last Monday.

That bill you were contesting from Quest came today. I am going to pay the sucker. I have enough crap to deal with without tilting at windmills.

I miss you every day.  I am sort of pretending you are just in the other room. Or at a very long AA meeting. Nothing wrong with denial.

Tech Note: If you have an iPad. And, if it has iOS 8. And if you have the WSJ app installed – you have a problem. Delete the WSJ app. Took me at least a week to figure this out.

Hawai’i is a go. It is a go October 31. Two weeks from today. Four weeks after Carlton took a celestial change of address. I asked USAir to cancel Mr C’s ticket. Hopefully they will send me a refund. I think Carlton will approve my going. After all he was looking forward to at least one more winter in Kona.

Ebola panic continues. One person dies every 30 seconds of heart failure in the US.

Several people from the Merkel Cell User Group have entered hospice care. I am suffering from a bit of “survivor’s guilt” – Carlton and I got off easy in the Merkel Cell end game.

1. Tired, grumpy, hungry. Today.
2. Work is insane.
3. Undecided about Hawai’i. Go in 2 weeks or 6 weeks.
4. Undecided about the Car. Donate or keep or sell. It cost $100 per month to park the sucker.
5. My lawyer says “just go to hawai’i on Halloween”…