life in the old lane

No new photos today – but – if – the promised snow arrives tomorrow – there will be photos. Heck, I might even go out in the snow. Or I might not. Or it might not snow at all.

Not as “lonely” this evening. Getting into a routine I guess. I walked down to Clarendon this afternoon. Checked out Apple Store, Whole Foods and Trader Joe. It was chilly but not cold. Misty, but not really wet.

Re-entry: I didn’t do much. I looked at all the mail that had piled up. Well, I looked at the envelopes. I only opened the junk mail. I didn’t feel up to opening anything that said “Tax Document” or “Carlton Combs (Deceased)”. Maybe tomorrow. Or not.

While on the way to Kona – I did entered some thoughts about my mental state in the computer and put them in the blog on November 1

I did the same thing on the Seattle to Kona leg of the trip back to Arlington.

Here are my notes:

Well, here it is about 9AM. I am flying from Seattle back to Arlington. It is 12PM there and exactly 5 months ago today – I came home from work around 1PM and found Carlton, very dead. 

Funny, I flew to Kona exactly 4 weeks after Carlton died and will be coming back 5 months after that day. When I was flying out to Kona, I reflected on Carlton’s death, my reactions, and our life together.

Some reflections on “what now”.

• I am doing great – I might not be doing great after I get back to the apartment and face whatever has to be done. But, at 30,000 feet – I am doing great.
• Years ago, a geriatric social worker told me that your 70’s is a very hard decade. You go into your 70’s as an older version of yourself but you come out of your 70’s as a really old person. I believe this. Carlton didn’t get out of his 70’s. 
• I know it have to move to some sort of an old ladies asylum when the apartment lease runs out. I don’t want to do this, but nothing else makes sense. Too many things can go wrong when you are in your 70’s. Physically and mentally, I am never going to be any better than I am right now. Emotionally, I might improve. But, I will not be getting stronger, faster, healthier or smarter. So, while I still have it together – I have to move myself to an old ladies asylum. But, where?
• But where – is something I need to think long and hard about and maybe make some site visits. 
• Real soon, I will have to address the income tax issue. 
• Also soon, need to get my own estate issues sorted out and a new improved will drawn. If I die before getting this done the Arlington County Library and Hulihe’e Palace will be very happy. I don’t think they need to be THAT happy.
• And, I am going to do a major downsizing. Carlton and I did that when we sold the house. But, we added new stuff in over the last 10 years. Major downsizing.
• The objective is to move into the smallest unit in the old ladies asylum. When Carlton and I were going to be moving in together, we were looking for a place as big as the apartment. But, I neither need nor want 2 bedroom and 2 bathrooms. I don’t especially want any bedroom. A nice sunny studio would be great. If I have “space” I’ll just fill it up. I have seen me do that in the past.
• I have always had minimalist leanings – but they sort of developed this winter. I was very happy in my hotel room. I would have liked a nice lounge chair. I don’t really need much of a kitchen. I never entertained and I am not about to start now. 
• This major downsizing will be interesting.
• I think I have figured out “how to eat”. Finally realized that when you live alone – you can eat whatever you want to eat whenever you want to eat it. I give myself too much credit – several people had to tell me that.
• Also, I think I have broken my addiction to the likes of “lean cuisine” and frozen mac&cheese. We’ll see how this works out – after I get back to Arlington. And don’t have access to endless free avocado and papaya and great ahi that was still swimming in the ocean yesterday. I am guessing that chicken can replace ahi – except chicken will have to be cooked,  tomatoes can replace avocado and strawberries followed by peaches can replace papaya. 
• This whole figuring out what to eat was hard. Carlton and I never ever ate out. So, for 30 plus years I cooked two meals a day and had cereal, toast, fruit whatever available for breakfast. Oh yes and snacks. Carlton loved his snacks. “Do we have anything sweet?” And, he didn’t mean a peach or some yogurt – was a regular Carlton question.  And Carlton liked his meals sort of “normal”. Couldn’t pass off a bowl of cereal as “dinner” on that man. 
• I have to figure out how to run Carlton’s vacuum sweeper. Soon. Maybe that is one of my first chores back at the apartment. 
• Considered the possibility of a new “relationship”. I am not saying “No way No how”. I am saying “Damn unlikely”. Why? I don’t want to go through the last 27 months again with another man. And also important – a slight variation on the Alaska saying “The odds are NOT good and the goods are odd”.
• For all that has been – thanks. For all that shall be – yes. (Dag Hammarskjöld)

 

Above, today’s sunset. Nope, I didn’t go out on my terrace. It is covered with ice. The Potomac river is frozen. There are piles of dirty snow everywhere.

I got  back fine.  The plane landed at 4pm and by 4:45 I was in the lobby of the apartment building. The metro goddess was looking out for me.

This is the first time in decades that I have come back from a trip when Carlton was neither with me nor waiting for me.  A little sad period ensued. In fact, it is pretty damn lonely around here. I wasn’t “lonely” what ever that means in Kona – at least not after the first month. Oh well. Another “adjustment”

The apartment is fine. But, there are piles of stuff to be done.  All I am doing tonight is washing my wetsuit. Everything else will wait until tomorrow or the day after.

A bubble bath, some soup, and more reading. I think that is the plan for the rest of today.

Note to Carlton-I have lots of lights on. Kitchen, living room, bathroom, bedroom and laundry room all lit up. And, the clocks are still all set to daylight savings time and I am not going to change any of them.



So far, so good. Plan on drinking coffee, reading, napping and eating a sandwich  and a couple of cookies. Over the next four hours or so. 

Another iPad photo. 



Well, it is about 9pm and I am safely through tsa and I am waiting. I will be waiting for something for the next 16 hours.

The above photo  was taken with this iPad this evening.. I felt like a real dork.  But, the camera was all packed.   And I needed to save the last Kona sunset. 

Time to fire up the kindle.  Let the waiting begin.  

Leaving tomorrow night at 11-ish. I am remembering last year when “we” not “I” were leaving. Carlton was really sick. And I was scared to death. Revisit the that day here. 

I would say that I am “almost” ready to go. I have to pay the hotel bill, take some bags of candy to the staff. Return borrowed items. Charge up the electronics. Dare I not print my boarding pass? I “think” I can use my iPad. (Remember, I have a 10 year old cell phone, I can not use it. But, I have a nice data plan for my iPad.) And, I have to stuff the rest of my stuff into the trusty backpack.

After I finish my chores, I’ll lounge, nap, swim, maybe do some yoga.

I’ll have a little dinner and catch a ride out to the airport a couple of hours early. I have no problem waiting at the airport. I do have a problem keeping my friends up past their bedtime. (Past my bedtime too, but that is another problem)

Since I regained the ability to read – I have learned a lot about my camera. So, I am really looking forward to this spring’s flower photography.

Having salad, papaya, tuna for dinner tonight.

Started off the day with a walk down another beach.

I am reminded that here are no beaches in Arlington. But there is Trader Joe’s. And, INCOME TAXES. I really miss having a second set of brains to help think about things like taxes.

The hotel room is a disaster area. I packed up the box that I leave here at the hotel. Everything else is everywhere else.

 



I connected my camera to the iPad again.   Needed to reinforce the new trick I learned early this week. Just noticed that the horizon police would have issues with that image. 

It has been 21 weeks since Carlton died. I have sorted out my life fine here in Kona. I am curious to see how I will get along back in Arlington. I have a fairly hefty to do list. 

1. Taxes 
2. My own estate planning, medical directives, etc.
3. Dispose of Carlton’s stuff
4. Make decisions about the old folk’s asylum 
5. Follow through with decisions made in #4, downsize, plan move etc. 

On the other hand, I could just move into my hotel. Maybe I should consider moving to Honolulu.  Kona really isn’t a suitable place for an old lady with no family. Because, if you need medical care, you have to go to Honolulu. Stay tuned. 



 

 

Wow – today’s work is pretty eclectic.

The only accomplishment today – got my boxes heading back to Arlington. They “should” get there on Tuesday. Just like me.

If anyone EVER sees me pushing a dog around in a stroller – please shoot me. 

While I was stomping around clicking off my 5 miles, I started having fantasies about breakfast in Paris. Croissant, baguette, butter, strawberry preserves and cafe au lait. That morphed into fantasies about breakfast anywhere in Japan. The Japanese eat everything and anything for breakfast. Well, anything except bacon, eggs and toast.

Note to Carlton: As you always did, I got a meeting with “management” and arranged next winter’s stay. October 30 to March 1. The hotel has been super to me – I feel like I am with ohana.

 

At least they don’t have a selfie stick – but – they should be holding hands and watching the sunset.

Carlton and I should have held hands and watched the setting sun more often.

Another wind up time in Kona day – I went to yoga. Did my 10,000 steps. Had a super lunch – barely cooked ahi, the finest lettuce ever, and pineapple. The finest lettuce on the planet comes from the hotel night clerk – she gets it from someone who must grow custom lettuce for the fine restaurants up north of here. Real people never get salad greens that are that good.

Also, sort of packed my flat rate box to send home. I seem to have gained 2 sweaters, 2 pair of pants and 1 kimono and a pair of sandals this winter. Not to mention some shells, beach glass, sand and a turtle purse “craft project”. And a ream of widow-woman paper work that was sent to me here in Kona. Actually, it will be 2 flat rate boxes. Still cheaper than checking a bag. A bag that would have to be ponied home on the subway.

I am also sending my wetsuit home in the box. I will carryon all my electronics and camera gear. And, layers of clothes to add on. Leggings, wool sox, one of the “new” sweaters, a long sleeve shirt, jacket and big fuzzy gray shawl. Will also take a swimsuit, rash guard, and pareo in the carryon. And, my beloved pāpale (hat). It will ride along in my lap – like a baby. I will wear a jeans skirt, tee shirt and sandals for the start of the trip. Other items will be added as required.



Teaching the old woman a new trick.  Too lazy to go fire up the Airness and download photos. But wait, isn’t my camera supposed to be able to connect to the iPad? Sure does. Remember, I bought this camera body as retail therapy last summer-when I couldn’t read.  It wasn’t rocket science to make it happen. 

Speaking of reading, I have been happily reading for the last two days. My reading is almost back to the way it was two years ago.

I had a leisurely day. Beach walking, coffee drinking, swimming, reading, napping.  Next Tuesday,  I’ll be getting back to the apartment in the early evening – Alaska air and metro willing. Oh, and weather permitting. 

Starting to ease into going back to the mainland.

I don’t think of Arlington as “home” anymore. Home was where Carlton was. I don’t think of myself as having home anymore. I have lodgings. According to my Apple Dictionary

Lodging: a place in which someone lives or stays temporarily

I would say that about sums up my position. Nothing wrong with this. Nobody is promised tomorrow. Nobody gets out alive. I am looking forward to getting back to my east coast lodging and getting my new life started.

I am actually almost looking forward to visiting the old ladies asylum – my next east coast lodgings. I am going to seriously downsize again. “Stuff” isn’t going to make me happy. I have all the “stuff” I need right here in my hotel room. Well, except for a nice comfy chair.

My east coast lodging is stuffed with with stuff. And, it still has Carlton stuff.

Hot here today. And, I had a nice big chunk of ahi and a little rice for lunch. An avocado with a little cheese is on tap for dinner.

Think this is a goat skull. It was on the beach this morning – and that is where it stayed.

After beach walking and coffee drinking, I decided to get a Sunday paper and do some laundry. When I was ready for the dryer – the only working dryers were busy – so, my clothes came back upstairs with me and I turned my lanai into a drying room.

While I was arranging my wet clothes – the next door neighbor’s smoke alarm went off and smoke came billowing out their door. The neighbor’s seemed to be standing around saying “OH MY GOD”. I turned into a real busybody old lady and called the desk. Soon maintence is banging on their door. And, the fire was put out. Apparently a romantic candle got out of control!

Speaking of out of control – the Airness seems to be having battery issues again. Well, I’ll just take it to the Apple Store when I get back to Arlington.