life in the old lane

I hate to steal someone’s photo. But, some things I just have to keep here in my electronic memory… 

What the hell is going on here?  The internet had many amusing theories. But, the best one was the apparently legit Tweet from “The Church of Satan” which went on the record with: “For clarification, this is not a Satanic ritual.

May you live in interesting times. 

I missed several “interesting”  events this afternoon here at the Asylum.  First, I missed the “Zumba Gold” class. Advertised as a fun fitness class that would leave me feeling empowered and strong. I decided to eat lunch instead.

Next, I missed a lecture. “Cheryl Mirabella is a Professional Health and Wellness Coach and Counselor who will teach an informative lecture on finding and keeping a joy filled life.” I think she graduated from college in 2004. I decided to take a nap rather than have kid tell me how to “be happy”.

No, I am not a crabby old woman today – I am just not drinking the Kool Aid. However, I am going to have dinner in a couple of minutes with some of my friends. Which provides more joy than any lecture.

A friend asked me to take pictures of the residents who entered artwork in our resident art show. Took 276 pictures and I sent 16 to the “client”. Several people at the event asked me if I was having fun. Well, frankly no. Taking pictures of people is a lot of work.  But, once again – it was good to have something to do that had well defined start, middle and end – unlike many things that I do. 

As for me, those pesky old Jack Rabbits that live in my boots are acting up again.  I feel like a need an ocean voyage around the world! Now that would be an undertaking, wouldn’t it? And, I really don’t mean it. Heck, I could just lock myself into The Asylum for 6 months and pretend that I was on a cruise. No pesky seasickness problems. 

This recent attack of Jack Rabbits started yesterday morning when I was looking for a bottle of monoi oil – see wikipedia – I was “sure” I had a couple of spares somewhere. But, if I didn’t, I would just have to go to Tahiti and get some more. Nevermind that I wouldn’t be able to get the bottles through TSA in my carryon. Oh, and that I could order some from Amazon. Going to Tahiti for conditioner is like going to Paris for underwear.

Speaking of underwear – I have a t-shirt from Frederick’s of  Hollywood. My friends here want to know if I get catalogs from Frederick’s and if so, could I leave them in the public area and see what happens. For the records, I don’t get Frederick’s of Hollywood – but from time to time I do get Agent Provocateur which is way sexier than old Fred ever was. 

My best Agent Provocateur story. I was traveling – those Jack Rabbits – sans Carlton years ago. I bought a pair of Agent Provocateur panties. Wore them around for a day or two and then mailed them to Carlton inside an Agent Provocateur catalog. Actually, Hanes cotton in a ziplock bag would have had the same impact. But the story wouldn’t be as good.  Oh – right – the link. Here it is. 

 

 

 

Went to the Falls Church Market this morning. Going to the Market isn’t such a big deal these days – since I no longer cook. But, I still eat.

I can never pass up good bread, cheese, and chocolate milk. Flowers are nice too. 

Laundry was done. The computer was backed up. Accounts were audited. Normal weekend stuff. 

Then a little after four PM – BOOM! Our building transformer blows. Fortunately, the bar opens at 4 PM. So, there was booze. By and by the power comes back on… But, this Old Bat decided to dine in solitary splendor in the Old Bat Cave and the bread and cheese, with more than a little beer made for one fine dinner.

 

And, to finish off Friday – Happy Hour and 

My Mexican mother-in-law would have been appalled by salmon tacos. But, I was pretty damn happy with them. 

I am watching in horror as The Orange Lord heads overseas. To deliver a talk about Islam. Among other things. What could possibly go RIGHT with him giving a “talk about Islam” in Saudi Arabia.  Right before Ramadan no less. The man isn’t even qualified to give a speech about Christianity.  Kyrie, Eleison. 

 

Need to work on my flying bee photography! Not only will my skills improve as we move deeper into summer, but the bees get slower. 

Guess I’d count this as a good day on the political front – made it through the dinner hour without Shamu the Phone going crazy notifying me of this or that new horror emanating from 6 miles east of here. 

There have been no new reports of strange men in our bathrooms at 0230 hours.  Much to the dismay of some of the residents. Management seems to have admitted that it is unacceptable to have men (or women)  come into our apartments in the middle of the night without our knowledge. 

After work,  I watched some of my friends try to teach other residents how to use an online  dinning room reservation system. It should be interesting. Imagine your great grandmother who has a walker, hearing aids, glasses and Depends using her computer/tablet/phone to make dinner reservations. Yeah, right.

Well, well, well … dinner here at the Asylum is always interesting these days – not for the dinner. But, for the political news that seems to break between 6 and 7 east coast time every day. Today while at dinner – a special counsel to look into the Evil Empire’s influence in the 2016 election of the Orange Lord. 

Also at dinner, I heard that one of my friends – an all around great lady with a still functioning brain – woke up at 2AM yesterday to find a man in her bathroom. The man came to look for a leak – as opposed to taking a leak, I presume. 

The lady in question handled things very gracefully. I would have screamed bloody murder and ran starkers out into the passageway where hopefully I would have had the sense to call 911. 

And who said that life is dull in The Asylum.

 

Today was work. And yoga. And nap. And Asylum meeting. And dinner. And that about sucked up my entire day. 

Oh and bitching about The Orange Lord. That took up some time.

Going to be 90+ degrees tomorrow. Here comes summer. Will we replay the summer of 1974?? That was my first summer in DC. 

Surely, surely by now – at least some of The Orange Lord’s supporters must be having little twinges of remorse. Surely.

“My news” reports that The Orange Lord passed a treasonable amount of intel to the Russians. “Fox news” says that it never happened.  

On a much cheerier note, at least one of my friends thinks this will end in civil war. Especially since Andrew Jackson isn’t around to stop it! I don’t think it will be anything that interesting. I am guessing it will be a slow decay into anarchy. And then the cockroaches will take over the planet. 

Or, we will be taken out quickly by a massive cyber attack. Or a Carrington Event. Mother Nature just says “Fuck You People, you had your chance and you blew it – bring in the cockroaches.”

Buy the shoes, take the trip, eat the cake – chances of us making it through the next 1,346 days are pretty slim!

 

I have gotten used to the walker, canes, and wheel chairs. I have gotten used to the ambulances. I have not gotten used to the people all dressed up and waiting for someone to come and take them away. Take them somewhere. Anywhere. Anywhere but here. 

I did not escape from the Asylum today. No, in the best Hawaiian fashion, I ate until I was tired and then I took a nice nap. The occasion being “Mother’s Day Brunch”. Then I went for a walk. This is a crappy neighborhood for walking. Too hilly and stripmally. But, the hills sort of kickup the cardio.  

Yesterday, I reported that a friend from The Asylum is in hospital recovering from surgery. It is reported that one of her first utterances was “where is my mascara?”  Actually, her exact words were “where the hell is my mascara?”.  

On Tuesday 3 of my friends are having operations. This must be a sign that not only am I getting old, but my friends are too… Hope everything works out OK for everyone. 

Needed a little Kona today.  I am sure that before long I’ll be missing these cool, damp, cloudy days… But, about now, I could do with a little sun. 

A friend from The Asylum is in hospital recovering from surgery. It is reported that one of her first utterances was “where is my mascara?” 

 

So off I went – to wine tasting. 

Tasting the wines, one of which had a “hint of barnyard”. Don’t know if that is good or not.

After wine tasting I repaired to the salon for a nice IPA to cleanse the palate

Hackers Hit Dozens of Countries Exploiting Stolen N.S.A. Tool.  Now isn’t this interesting? Last week I went to a lecture about WWIII and cyber terrorism. The speaker didn’t think that cyber terrorism is a problem. Wonder what he thinks today?

Today’s feature – rain. clouds. chilly.  Sort of like the USA. 

Last night, I came home from dinner. And, I found this alarming message on Shamu the Phone.

Well, this is very disturbing. This institution has almost all of my money. Who is helping themselves to it. Grab Shamu  the Phone and call. After 15 minutes on hold Shamu starts to shut down on me… It is past Shamu’s bed time. Plug Shamu in and continue on hold for another 30 minutes. By now it is past my bedtime too. Eventually, a very nice man finally takes me off hold and asks “How can I help you?” I explain that I am an old woman and when I got home from dinner I found this message… Nice man starts to explain that it was a computer “glitch” and that every customer got that message. I start laughing – explain to nice man that I have on at least one occasion done that very same thing. I wish him a good evening and get on with my life. Ain’t technology grand? To err  is human, but it requires a computer to really foul things up!

Harlene: Much talk – but only talk – about expanding the “large electronics ban” to flights originating in Europe.