Author: Peg

I devoted this morning to finishing with Carlton’s clothes, books, trinkets etc. I took one load of clothes – actually his Santa suit, clerical garb, plaid sports coat – really his costume collection – down to Goodwill. There is one more load of clothes to go. And, I’ll get his books over to the Friends of Arlington Library next week. My stash of medical supplies are packed and ready to go to Africa. His AA books are waiting on a pickup. I am going to have to get someone to come in and get rid of most of my furniture when it is the to move to the asylum. I’ll dispose of the tools and other heavy stuff then. I put all the heavy stuff in the now empty closets. As far as I am concerned all that stuff is “gone”. It just hasn’t left yet.

The only Carlton stuff that I still have to deal with is in his file cabinet. I don’t want to move the file cabinet. I want to stash all of his still required papers in one bankers box. Or in Evernote. Let the scanning begin.

It seems a little uncaring to get rid of all the Carlton stuff. But, He would not want me to spend money moving his stuff around. And, if he labeled a box “C2 Junk” who I am I to say “Oh no, this isn’t junk”.

I almost made a mistake. The only book that Carlton and I both like that lived in his book collection is The Collected Poems of Robert Service. I put it in the donation bag along will all the rest of his books. One of the last times we moved I got rid of all of our Edward Abbey books and replaced them with Kindle versions. I planned to do the same with Robert Service. Who knew that Robert Service is not available on Kindle. So, I rescued it from the donation pile.

Friday evening. The weekend. I am starting to feel a little mopey already. Not good. Not good at all. At this rate, I’ll have to get a weekend volunteer job too. It has been almost 8 months now. It is time to start moving on. But, where does one move on to? The old ladies asylum?

This is my “Seal of Approval” from google. With that and $1.95 I can get an espresso at Starbucks. (And, a serving of blazing good wifi.)

Funny thing happened in the neighborhood this morning. A guy rode his horse here from Texas. He got permission to park his horse at our local American Legion. Someone saw the horse and called 911. The police came. The police said the horse was “transportation” and not illegal. Guess that is good to know.

These fluffy pink guys are at max right now. Do ya think maybe mine should be pink? OK.

Did a little work on Carlton’s stuff today. Took his lightly used shoes down to the Goodwill. And, a friend offered to help find a home for the 15 pound dictionary. Thanks Harlene. It will go off to The Friends of Arlington Library as a default. They will be able to get a good price for it at one of their book sales.

In yesterday’s list one of the things that I am going to take to the asylum for sure is rug that is in Carlton’t bathroom. I love that rug. After a couple of beers last night – and some playing around what if-ing as far as arranging my must takes in the tiny studio at the asylum.

Anyhow, after doing this for a while – I wondered – why is that rug still in Carlton’s bathroom? Moved it to the entry area.

The studio – that is most likely where I will have to start out at the Asylum. Then I can trade up to something more gracious. I am #7 on the list of people waiting for a studio. As opposed to one of the larger units with a nice balcony – I am #77 on that list. Sort of like that old Groucho line “I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me…” I wouldn’t want to move to an asylum that had room for me…

The church across the street is having “Evensong and MoonBounce followed by District Tacos” next Sunday. Having a hard time picturing that.

Got chilly here this afternoon. The guy on TV is talking about snow flurries in the distant burbs.

In the best of all possible world’s – 12 months from now, I will be moving into a nice apartment in the old ladies asylum. An apartment with lots of windows. And enough room for all the “stuff” I really “need” to take with me. An apartment that I have tweaked to my specs. Chances of this happening are slim and none. So, it is plan for the worse and hope for the best time.

So, today I started a list of things to take and stuff to not take. There is no “maybe” list. Everything that is not on one of these lists is a maybe.

Take – assumes a local move

My bed
Cat print
Tahiti picture
Kona print
The old man picture (Carlton’s great great grand dad)
Studio photo peg&carlton
All the quilts
The sword, the bolt and the little steam engine
My desk and the Hillary chair
The small oriental rug that is in Carlton’s bath room

No Way – No How – Not Moving

Carlton’s Desk
My smallkidtime desk
Tube TVs
Carlton’s old coffee table
None of the machine made carpets
The 11 pound dictionary
Spotting scope – if/when I get a view, I’ll get a better scope.

Anyone want an 11 pound dictionary? I was wrong – according to Amazon it weighs 15 pounds. The Compact Edition of The Oxford English Dictionary.

Seems like Google is trying to get into the Cell Phone Business… Well, I guess they are already in that business. But, more of the carrier side of the house. They are trying to get me to sign up. Of course, it only works with the HUGE Nexus 6. Still interesting…

About bedtime, lots of nice lightning. And thunder. And rain. No tornado, no hail, no locust. I just pressed my Oly up to the window and sort of “snapped” a shot when I suspected lightning might happen. This is not how one shoots lightning. But, I am pretty lazy. Especially at bedtime. Note to self: It doesn’t work if you stick the iPad up to the window.

Note to Carlton: I took your “good” polo shirts to Goodwill this afternoon. Along with your “good” sports shirts. The ones you never wore. You were “saving” them. Now, someone else will get nice almost new polo shirts. Blue ones and white ones.

I also took a whole bunch of extension cords. My good husband, you had enough extension cords to connect to the New Hebrides. I think there are more somewhere. I just haven’t found them yet.

I walked by home through “your” cemetery. It is lovely at this time of year. The grave diggers said they miss jiving with you every day. These nice tulips are by the Dewberry family mausoleum.

Food: Today I had eggs and potatoes at the hospital. That was my second breakfast. I made a fine salad featuring avocado (Thanks Dave – for reminding me that avocado are an essential not a luxury) for lunch. A little chicken with asparagus and mushroom will be sauted for dinner.

End of life on the planet as we know it… That is what the weather guys are promising. Doesn’t look very exciting to me. Nevermind they say that thunder, lightning, wind, rain, hail, tornadoes, locust plagues… are promised.

I am out of yesterday’s huge funk.

I am reading a pretty stupid book. I have no idea why it is on the NYTimes Best Seller list. I got it from the library. As a kindle book. The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I think it only makes sense if you are a young Japanese woman. But, it did cause me to have a HUGE epiphany.

Carlton is not a trinket or knickknack. Carlton was never a trinket or knickknack. Keeping his trinkets, knickknacks, 4 really sharp pocket knives, awards, engraved fountain pens, his personalized “desk set”, none of this stuff was Carlton. Keeping these tchotchkes will not bring Carlton back. Or keep his memory alive. For me, Carlton was a force of nature. Not a tie tack.

This is hugely liberating. Don’t know if it will work for any other widow. But, it sure works for me.

Weather or not. Still nothing.

Damn, just when I get all over confident and feel sure that I have got the widow business down pat – then bam – I get hit with a day like today when I feel totally bereft without my best friend forever. When I realize that I will never see him again. Except when he comes back from Georgetown Medical School in a coffee can. Days when dashing one’s self one’s husband’s funeral pyre seems like a good idea.

Don’t worry, I am not really suicidal. Just not handling alone too well today. Guess I should turn on the TV, find some golf or a nature show and just pretend that Carlton is sitting in his chair watching TV. I can ask him “what do you want for dinner” and he’ll say “any little thing”.

Ah, got a show about grizzly bears on the TV. Now, I’ll just read. I am reading the old Robert Heinlein kid novella Have Space Suit Will Travel. And, in a while, I’ll make myself some dinner. Any little thing.

And tomorrow by tomorrow, I’ll be out of this funk.

Last Saturday, I was feeling bad about my lack of progress downsizing/getting through Carlton’s stuff. So, I made a little mini-2do list. And I started on one of the messiest places. The stuff that I just piled on spare bed. It was sort of a take to Goodwill staging area. Well, I took to Goodwill. If I had a car, it would have been a no brainer. But, that stuff had to get to Goodwill by feet and bus. Gave me more time to focus on how tedious “stuff” is.

Before and after shots. That isn’t all Mr C’s stuff. I put some of my stuff on the pile too.

And, I know, I really need to address the stuff that is on the floor.

Went on a scouting mission to the asylum this morning. The asylum had a shredder truck on site today. And, I had shredding. I indulged in a second breakfast there and made a real point to visit with the residents. I asked one of the inmates to share my table. I really am trying to “fit in”. Honest. BTW – Breakfast was fine.

One of the finest things about digital photography is the histogram. I have been using digital for over 15 years, but have more or less ignored the histogram. I am trying to learn to use it before I take the picture.

Carlton and I never celebrated birthdays. But, we had a lot of good times. Everyday was a celebration – especially during our last years together. The “enjoy every sandwich years”.

Speaking of sandwiches. I made myself a fine sandwich for lunch today. I sauted a little chicken with some pineapple. Added a little really good balsamic vinegar. And a bit of smoked gouda cheese. Stuffed it into pita bread with some lettuce.

Lovely spring day today. 85 degrees.

A nice day. Worked a little longer than usual this morning. And, decided to take the rest of the day off – off from any de-acquisition activities. I went for a walk instead. Just a walk. Didn’t take anything down to the thrift shop. Total day off from de-acquisition.

I am getting used to my widow life. I have sort of divided my life into 3 phases:

BC – Before Carlton
CE – The Carlton Era
AC – After Carlton

Before Carlton, I had a little house. And a housekeeper. I was the yardperson. I cut the grass on “Major Summer Holidays”. That would be Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day.

During the Carlton Era, I had a little house. And a housekeeper. And Carlton became the yardman. When I sold my house, I retired my housekeeper and Carlton took over as housekeeper.

After Carlton, I am now the housekeeper. And, I think I am falling into the “Major Summer Holidays” schedule for housecleaning.

When I move to the asylum, they clean once a week. Now, that is a reason to look forward to moving to the asylum.

No, Peg has not been messing around with Photoshop. This tulip magnolia is sort of yellow/brownish. According to the owner there are folks who have been developing a yellow tulip magnolia. This one is one of the failures. But, it is pretty cool.

Chicken Skin Time:

I don’t know how well this imbed will work. It is the sort of thing that makes me love Hawai’i. You all know that I am totally non-religious. The is no supreme being. But, sometimes, there is power. Or as it is called in Hawai’i mana.

No that is not a glee club. It is just a bunch of Hawaiian guys who dance hula. They dance better than they sing. They were the overall winner of this year’s most prestigious contest.

Rainy today. Guess this these are the april showers. Hope we get the may flowers.

Never mind that Carlton kept me around for “cold nights and rainy afternoons”. I think that rainy afternoons are a gift from the goddess. The gift of a nice long nap.

Forever. An interesting concept. BFF. Forever young. Forever stamps. Forever 21. A dead husband really is forever. He isn’t coming back. He isn’t going anywhere. He is forever dead. Guess that is just a variation on nothing is certain except “death and taxes”. Nothing is forever except death and taxes.

Enough thinking already!