life in the old lane

Truth of the matter is, a pair of board shorts and a couple of tee shirts is about all you need here in Kona.

Took some videos today. But, I am totally uninterested in them. So, no movie. Contain your disappointment.

Carlton had a great time playing soldier in college. In the real Army, not so much fun. His favorite thing about the Army was Happy Hour at the Officer’s Club. Oklahoma was the worst thing that happened to him in the Army.

 

But actually this one is the best one so far. It is rendered in 720p so image quality isn’t so great in full screen. But, give it a look anyhow. It is 67 seconds, I figure that 60 seconds is about the max attention span of the average person these days.

Remember those “Alexa” earbuds I got  I2 hours before leaving for Kona?

I am liking them. Like most old ladies, my hearing isn’t that good – and even I can tell that these bad boys aren’t all the greatest at sound quality. But it is more than OK. Plus Bose active noise cancellation, and Alexa. You can also ask Siri or Google questions which is pretty inclusive of Amazon. All this at $129. Put them on your Black Friday list. But, you can not rename it “computer”.

This really isn’t all that fun. But, maybe if I get better it will become more fun. As long as I stick to iMovie, it isn’t costing me anything. Well, except time and disk space.

 

Around sunset, I went over to the pier. I planned on taking some shots and video with the goal of knitting them together into a little 30 section video.

I took some shots and was leaving the pier when I was approached by a meek young woman who said that she was doing a mission as was grilling burgers at “the, well uh, that church over there”. Obviously not from around here. Mokuaikaua Church. Dates from 1820.

So, to this dear young missionary person, I looked like a homeless person. Homeless folk do hang out on the pier. But still…

I look a little rumpled and about 5 pounds overweight, but homeless? For the record, I had shoes on.

GRATEFUL that I just look like someone who needs a free dinner. Still self-supporting through my own contributions.

 

Made it up the hill to WalMart and Safeway today. I am now fully “settled in”. I can make peanut butter, cheese, “fried” egg, chicken sandwiches. With mustard, avocado, or banana added. The kitchen is stocked. Those sandwiches work for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner.

Mostly I read and floated around in the ocean. Didn’t try to go anywhere, Just floated.

Note to self: You are too old to just power and caffeine through fatigue. If I am tired, I have to rest. I used to be able to just drink lots of coffee and I  was good to go. No matter what. Well, nowadays I get tired. And, I don’t sleep very well. So, after a while, I get tired. Really tired. When that happens, I have to stop. I have to take a personal day and just chill. Getting old sucks.

Cloudy today. Billy had a small errand at Puʻuhonua o Hōnaunau so we had a little road trip.

And that was about it for my day.

Not so sure about my electronic roommate, Alexa aka Computer. “Computer, what is the ocean temperature?” Well, do I get the ocean temp? Nope. I get a lecture about how the ocean is really hot near the equator and really cold near the poles.

So, I say “OK, Google, what is the ocean temperature?” Well, do I get the ocean temp? Nope. I get a history lesson: Based on our historical data over a period of ten years, the warmest sea on this day in Kailua Kona was recorded in 2018…

For the record the reported temperature 81° But our water temp is usually about 5 degrees cooler in near shore.

Hot today. 87°.  Not complaining.

Swimming: 20+ minutes. Made it to the 4th swim buoy. My left arm hasn’t gotten any better. My other 3 limbs are learning to take up the slack.

Looks like the same video, but I did some things to it. Check it out.

Today, I played with various ways to display my videos. For sure, just handing the job over to WordPress and my server isn’t the answer. Vimeo would be an elegant solution, but I think it would cost $7 a month to get all the goodness.

Which leaves YouTube.

With video, I have to learn how to shoot video, how to edit video, and how to present video.

Spent time talking to a couple of Canadians. They think that Trump will never leave office. Nevermind if he loses in 2020. They said that we are welcome to move north. And, with climate change, it might not be so bad. Also, they said that they were increasingly concerned about traveling in the US. (They are OK with coming to Hawai’i, because it really is different here.)

 

 

After getting the blog going again, I went for another experimental swim today. It still isn’t pretty. But I remembered Bethany Hamilton, a pro surfer from Kauai, had her left arm bitten off by a shark. She returned to the pro tour. And, right here there is a one-legged guy who unstraps his “old 3rd best” prosthetic leg, puts a fin on his remaining leg and gets himself in the ocean. Then he snorkels off. So, I refuse to let this arthritic shoulder keep me out of the ocean.  Today, I made it to the second swim buoy – twice.

Today’s video. My server

Video on Vimeo

Video on YouTube

So, Vimeo and YouTube provide a better user experience. Not loving the adverts at the end. But, that is the price of free.

I seem to have discovered a minor workaround for follow ons with YouTube. Not sure if it is a longterm solution. Google seems to be moving the bar weekly. As does WordPress.

But, do I really need a “long term” anything these days?

Server problems yesterday. Hopefully, everything is all better. If the server had been working, I was going to post video number 1. Video is just a mystery to me. This is my first one.

Heck, I don’t even know if I should keep them on my server or pass that off to YouTube.

Still a little jetlag goofy. Nevertheless walked over 4.5miles today. Getting “settled in”.

Nothing seems to have changed in exciting downtown Kailua-Kona.  Nothing much ever changes in Kona.  Which is good.

Kona takes its parades very seriously. Even little 15 minute parades. And just being old doesn’t get you out of “marching”.

I am about “settled in”.  Billy and I watched the early morning surfers, had a little walk and then had breakfast. Then I made a little trek to the grocery for a starter set of food. I worked at getting “stuff” arranged and organized. And, I took my seriously arthritic shoulder for a test run in the ocean. The result wasn’t pretty. But, I am not giving up. I did not swim in Bermuda. I just floated around. Today I tried swimming.

I made these notes on the way for DCA to PHX on October 31, 2014. And, on the same flight from DCA to PHX on October 31, 2019, I reviewed them. And found that what was true 4 weeks after Mr C died was still true 5 years after he died.

Well, I am typing this at about 9AM – flying to Kona. Four weeks ago, today, I had already said goodbye to Carlton for the last time. I told him that I would see him, not later than 1PM because, I knew he was having company that afternoon.

Well, did he ever have company that afternoon. Fortunately, he died pretty. Maybe someday I’ll post the picture of him – all nice and dead. Of course, I took a picture. I am a photographer – that is what we do. But, frankly, he didn’t look all that different than the way he looked when he was napping.

I have been reflecting on grief these last four weeks. Why am I “doing so well”? 

• Since Dec 2, 2012 – I had seen the end coming.
• Carlton, got the message big time in early April of this year. 
• We had a long good-bye. We just missed a formal final goodbye. No loss really. We had said everything that needed saying.
• So, no “closure” issues. No guilt. No, if only I/we had.
• Carlton and I have a wonderful life together. He was an integral part of my life. Indeed, he was my life and I believe – I was his. And, that did not stop when he died. He is very much the center of my life today as he was 4 weeks ago. I don’t really see this changing. It might but, I don’t see that happening. Carlton is still around. I just can not see him anymore. He has moved to a parallel universe. He is like a sailboat that has sailed past the horizon. He is still here. I just can not see him. 
• How was that last dot point for serious denial, boys and girls? Hey, it works for me and is a darn sight cheaper than grief consoling. 
• Carlton always made me feel like I could do anything that I wanted or needed to do. (As long as I still had time to take care of him, of course.) That is a great gift. Well, that isn’t 100% correct. He made it clear that my car driving left much to be desired!
• Carlton did the planning to help me with his transit to the next level and my ultimate move to the widow level.
  • He left me with a tidy income stream.
  • He disposed of all letters from girlfriends, former wives, and my mother-in-law. 
  • He gave me permission to get rid of all of his stuff. Except for the sword, the chrome-plated bolt, and his little steam engine. 
  • Which means I can get rid of The Desk. AKA – the Arc of the Covenant. Every time we moved that thing was a problem. And, it is so everything bad about mid-1960’s middle-class decor.
  •  He extracted a promise that – when my lease ends – April 27, 2016, I will move to a continuing care retirement community. Honoring this promise will set me up for a much easier “old” age. 
• I had my “important” work at the Hospital. That provided structure for me. I didn’t have to wake up every morning as ask “What am I going to do today”. In Kona – that will be a question every morning. And there is a heck of a lot less to do in Kona. We’ll see how well I do there. Stay tuned. 
• Somehow, I think that for me, the fact that our lives were so intertwined make the fact that he is gone less painful. Because we were/are so intertwined he is still with me. Still a part of me. We were each slightly damaged individuals – together – we could pass for normal. And, since Carlton is still a part of me. I can still pass for a normal person. Just a smaller, tamer normal person. 
• So, we had a great life. And, while I am allowed a few moments of grief – which Carlton would consider self-pity – my main goal is to continue as Carlton would have. Enjoying. Life. Every. Single. Day.

So: How did I do? I moved to The Asylum before the lease ran out, but the monthly cost at The Asylum is sufficiently less than the rent at the apartment, so buying my way out of the lease was a wash after 4 months and to the good for the remainder of the lease.

As for Enjoying. Life. Every. Single. Day. I am trying and mostly succeeding. 

Two uneventful flights. Billy collected me from the airport and delivered me to the hotel. And left me with dinner of poke and avocado.

As soon as I put my phone on after landing, it started pinging me about tornado warnings, flood warnings,  thunderstorm warnings, etc back at The Asylum. Glad to be safely way. According to Alexa it is 80 degrees here,

Feeling jetlagged and a little goofy. But I think I will do some settling in and will try to stay awake until 8PM.