Living Will Form
I, ____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be
kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances
should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who
couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or
lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.
If after a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for:
(Check appropriate items) ______a Martini ______a Margarita ____a
Scotch and soda ______a Bloody Mary or a beer ______a Gin and Tonic
_______a Glass of Chardonnay ______a Steak ______Lobster or crab legs
______the TV remote control ______a bowl of ice cream ______a mug of coffee ______ Sex or ______Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won’t ever get any better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and
attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it
a day.
At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to
come and do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to
raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.
Signature: __________________________Date: __________
Some funding modifiers:
Gin & Tonic – if on Medicaid, I many only have house brands (ouch).
Dark Chocolate – no compromise possible, raid principal.
Lobster – If I’m financially cornered into either ‘faux shellfish’ or the Red Lobster shrimp all you can eat special, just skip down to plug pulling.
I would love the Jazz band though….