Category: The DayBook

OK Carlton, all is forgiven. You can come back home anytime now. The floors haven’t been vacuumed in almost 3 weeks. The recycle box is full. The top of your desk is a mess. You are needed. And, I am making shrimp fajitas for dinner. You didn’t finish up the ice cream. There is over a quart of fine vanilla ice cream in the freezer.  Does that lure you back?

Cool/Cold/Rainy today. Knocked off some more paperwork today.

If Carlton were still with us – he would say that he had become “A legend in his own mind”…

I miss the man dearly – but I really can not begrudge him his very graceful exit.

I’ll put the world series on the TV and it will be like he is still here. I spend all afternoon working on Death Details – but the night belongs to Denial.

Tired. That is all. Just tired. I need Hawai’i.

I am sure it isn’t the fault of the workers – but dealing with Social Security is sort of like dealing with a concrete wall. A lot of effort and no results.

I sort of got some stuff done today. I took Mr C’s car on an errand run over to Maryland this morning. I didn’t hit anything. But, I so don’t need a car. The car will be gone before I go to Hawai’i. I can take 468 bus trips for what it will cost to garage the car while I am in Kona.

Last Saturday, my coworkers sent me a delightful basket of flowers. Roses, sunflowers, asters and lilies. Today, the basket was looking rather tired. But, there was one rose remaining. That last rose made me cry. Why? I think it is because, the rose used to be part of something wonderful. Now it is alone. I used to be a part of something wonderful – Carlton&Peg – and now I am alone. And it is not wonderful. Sigh.

Here it was Sunday – and time to make a meal out of real ingredients. What to cook? Why not Crockpot Eggs For One – 500 calories. It was pretty good.

2 eggs
4 oz 2% cottage cheese
1/2 cup spinach
2 oz diced ham
1/4 cup grated cheese
“enough” curry powder
Mix up everything except the cheese
Put into oiled little crockpot
Top with cheese
Cook on high 90 minutes or so.
Serve with lots of salsa.

I almost didn’t go to Howard’s Homecoming Parade. Thought I should work on my post processing Carlton stuff. But, I managed to knock one thing off the 2DO list early this AM and went to the parade. The paper work can wait. I can take it to Kona with me.

Note to Carlton:

Well, two weeks now – being your widow. Lots of things I wish I could tell you. Ryan – you remember him – the kid from HAFE – he is Chief Ranger at GETT now. And, your friend Chris went to Harpers Ferry and left flowers and a card for you at the confluence of the Potomac and Shenandoah last Monday.

That bill you were contesting from Quest came today. I am going to pay the sucker. I have enough crap to deal with without tilting at windmills.

I miss you every day.  I am sort of pretending you are just in the other room. Or at a very long AA meeting. Nothing wrong with denial.

Tech Note: If you have an iPad. And, if it has iOS 8. And if you have the WSJ app installed – you have a problem. Delete the WSJ app. Took me at least a week to figure this out.

Hawai’i is a go. It is a go October 31. Two weeks from today. Four weeks after Carlton took a celestial change of address. I asked USAir to cancel Mr C’s ticket. Hopefully they will send me a refund. I think Carlton will approve my going. After all he was looking forward to at least one more winter in Kona.

Ebola panic continues. One person dies every 30 seconds of heart failure in the US.

Several people from the Merkel Cell User Group have entered hospice care. I am suffering from a bit of “survivor’s guilt” – Carlton and I got off easy in the Merkel Cell end game.

1. Tired, grumpy, hungry. Today.
2. Work is insane.
3. Undecided about Hawai’i. Go in 2 weeks or 6 weeks.
4. Undecided about the Car. Donate or keep or sell. It cost $100 per month to park the sucker.
5. My lawyer says “just go to hawai’i on Halloween”…

Big rain day today.

The death certificates came late today. Let the paperwork begin.

Have to decide what to do about Hawai’i. I am doing OK here. Will I be OK in Kona? Well, if I am not OK – I can always come back here.

Maybe I am being naive. I am not very worried about ebola. I think people have been reading too many zombie apocalypse novels. Which is not to say that the ebola couldn’t morph into something worse.

Sad news. My mouse – the computer variety – has been ailing for about a month. It died. I get pretty attached to my computer mice.

Today I missed 3 buses. As a result I logged 7 miles on the FitBit. The weather was great. So, no worries. Tomorrow, it will be rainy. I’d better be more attentive to the bus schedules.

I met with “my” lawyer. I think she is going to work out fine for me. She says to just chill. And, do a couple of easy things. And, not worry. She’s got my back.

Funny thing her grandparents and parents lived in the old folks asylum that I am heading towards. Her father still lives there and she eats dinner there every Thursday evening. Apparently her mother died there, and received fine care. She says that Goodwin House at Baileys Xroads is where old white liberal Arlingtonians end up. Maybe I’ll be happy there after all.

Still no death certificates. If they don’t show up tomorrow, I’ll have to take some action.

These excellent flowers came on Friday. From my co-workers. Just lovely.

Cool, damp, cloudy, misty… not a good day for photos.

Got stuff ready to take to the lawyer tomorrow.

Carlton’s boss and wife from way back when we worked are coming over to take me out to dinner. I am going to throw down the Widow card and insist that they eat my food. Better on a cold damp night than tramping out to a restaurant.

A good day with the new normal. I poked around some of Carlton’s stuff. Fortunately, he told me to pitch everything without remorse. Just take care of the sword, the little steam engine and the chrome plated bolt and nut. I can do that. I found a bus sign, advertising Carlton Ciggies. It states the US Government declares that “Carlton is Lowest”. I might just have this thing framed. I’ll take it to the old ladies asylum. And, leave the rest of Carlton’s art treasures behind.

I had a phone consultation with a lawyer today. Have to meet with her in person soon.

Some of Carlton’s AA friends are organizing a Memorial Dinner at a restaurant. They must not know that Carlton disliked restaurants. That is why I fed him at home every lunch and dinner. Even when we traveled I fed him in the hotel room or along side the road. We ate a lot of canned tuna fish, apples and cheese back in the travel days. But he never complained. I may have complained.

Speaking of food. I cooked myself a real meal today.

Last Saturday, I didn’t think I would ever cook again. Well, I was wrong about that. Trying hard not to sink into eating Lean Cuisine every day.

It was/is chilly and rainy today. But not so rainy as I should miss the county’s twice yearly recycle event. I rolled Carlton’s bike plus a bag full of accouterments down to be recycled. The bike will be leaving for a new life in Costa Rico next week.

I discovered some people collecting clothes to go to Honduras. Carlton sort of had a 3rd world wardrobe as we all know. So, I came back home and gathered up all of his sweatshirts and jackets that I washed last week. And I took them down to be recycled as well. Also, the Lions were collecting eyeglasses. Guess who had a shoebox full of glasses. Some prescription, some just readers? Off they went too.

 

By the time I got back home the second time – my FitBit was happy and I was tired. So, I had Trader Joe’s Mac-N-Cheese followed by a nap.

Note to Carlton: Well, I hope my actions during my first week as your widow met with your approval. I did buy a DustBuster and you think they are a waste of money. But, you do want me to remove cookie crumbs from the rug don’t you?

And, I am going to lawyer-up to handle the paper work. I know you never spent a cent on lawyers. You handled your Dad’s estate yourself. But, I am not you.

I went to two AA meetings and drank two beers last week. I am not sure if these are related. And, I enjoyed the flowers that you sent me. Yes you. You, who never once in 35 years gave me as much as a dandelion. I understood and bought my own flowers. And thank you for never complaining about the money I spent of flowers over the years. You never bought into:

“If, of thy worldly goods, thou art bereft,
And from thy stores but two loaves
alone to thee are left,
Sell one & with the dole,
Buy hyacinths to feed the soul”
– Muslihuddin Sadi,
13th Century Persian Poet

On Thursday your broker sent flowers.

So, I figure these lovely flowers are from you, Carlton. Since they came from your broker. I put them down in the lobby after I enjoying them for a day or two.

It is much too quite around here – so – I am going to put some sports on the TV and pretend to you watching in the other room.