Category: The DayBook

Thank you, Mother Earth for putting up with your disrespectful children.

What a day. After a morning of handwringing, angst and the F word by Carlton … Me rushing home from work. More angst. At about 3:30 this afternoon, at the hospital,  Mr C said just said NO. No surgery. Then signed up for a 6 week course of radiation – starting next Wednesday. And he was told he could cancel his appointment with the dreaded oncologist.

This is not the recommended course of treatment. But, for Carlton, it is the “best” care. He is completely freaked out by the amount of skin grafting that MIGHT be required to close the proposed cut to the top of his head. So, it will be the Nuclear Option… I am totally OK with his choice.

Stay tuned.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Turkey & Provolone on Wheat w/lettuce and tomato.

Some days, nothing happens. These are good days. Today was a good day.

Carlton went out to lunch. I knocked out my 5 miles walking. Took some flower pictures along the way. One of Carlton’s girl friends came by for a visit.  Nice normal day.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Carlton Bacon Cheese Burger with fries – this was his lunch. As for me, no sandwich today.

No chocolate bunnies for us this year. But, we do have dark chocolate bars and chocolate covered almonds.

Enjoying a last day of denial. Maybe we can squeeze out another denial day tomorrow. But, after that back to grim reality. Surgery is Friday. Not a moment too soon.

I didn’t do much today. My normal kitchen cleaning and laundry. Some yoga. And, I didn’t let the fitbit nag me into walking five miles.

Mr C went for a bike ride and to AA.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Turkey and Swiss with guacamole and tomatoes.

Here I am, not looking too shabby for 70 years old. (thanks Sue). Just the sort of encouragement I need to remember “Peg eating a donut will not extend Carlton’s life one instant”.

We are having a nice day. Trying to ignore “what might happen next”. We might as well enjoy a couple of days of denial.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Hana Hou – tuna melt for Mr C and chicken salad for me.

Note to Laurent: Hana Hou is Hawaiian for repeat, do again, encore. It comes from the old plantation days. Sugar cane was planted from cuttings. And replanted or “hana hou” several more times. Hana means work and hou in this context means again.

Retail Therapy for Me: I got a little FitBit Zip. We’ll see if it can guilt me into walking 5 miles most days. Mr C doesn’t get retail therapy.

Thanks for all the birthday greetings. Carlton was 3 years old – 1938 – and the dog was “Jerry”.

Today, for me and for my doctor, Carlton agree to visit the Wound Care Clinic at our hospital. The doctor and I fear that Mr C’s chest – which is where all this started in March – is still harboring bacteria. Carlton did not want to go there Not. One. Bit. But, for us, he went. The nurse thinks we might be right. She drew some circles on his chest, wrote him a script for yet more antibiotics and told him to come back on Tuesday.

We were assured that infection or not, surgery can still happen on Friday. Surgery can not happen soon enough.

I think my sinus problem is getting better.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Cheese Burgers today!

Today is Carlton’s 79th birthday. Number One on his bucket list is an 80th birthday.

He had another biopsy from his head today. If it is Merkel – it can come out when the other one is excised. Surgery scheduled for next Friday at 0700 hours.

For most of the day, my sinus infection and Mr C’s disposition were improved. He completely nixed any talk of going to any other hospital or doctor. He says that our hospital is “good enough”. If he were 69, I would fight him on that. Since he is 79, I’ll support any decision he makes.

For most of the day, my sinus infection was better. But, it is getting yucky again.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Tuna Sandwiches. And, a side order of veggies.

I think he wants to just give up and die. If that is what he wants. I’ll be supportive. But, I hope he will either get over this “better dead” phase. Or at least sign onto some sort of palliative care program. Otherwise, I fear he will end up all covered in infected lesions. Sort of like leprosy.And I am no St Marianne Cope. Not even close.

And, I suddenly developed a raging sinus infection.

Enjoy Every Sandwich. Today we had chicken, Monterey Jack cheese, chutney, lettuce on a nice soft roll.

I took this picture thru a double pane of glass. But, he was too pretty to pass up. I think this is the male of “our” pair. A pair of starlings inhabit a hole in the side of our building. It is maybe 4 feet down from our balcony ledge. The pair chase off any other birds that come around. Mom and Dad and any number of fledglings spend many hours in the early morning and evening perched on our balcony ledge. No babies yet. But much coming and going from the nest area. And lots of bird songs. Starling have a lot to say. And they say it all night long. We like them.

I did not go with Mr C to see the plastic surgeon. Maybe I should have. She scared my poor guy. Telling him that he might need a complex skin flap. And, that was outside her pay grade. She can give you a heart shaped butt, but can not do a skin flap? Oh well. I don’t think a skin flap graft is the worse thing that can or will happen. But, it scared Mc C almost witless.

And everyday that creature on top of his head gets bigger and digs deeper. OK, Peg, time to summon the inner forces and move forward. But, which way is forward. This sucks.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Turkey, Swiss, and Cole Slaw on chabatta.

Might be about about time to put the Sakura theme away…

Tomorrow we are going visit a plastic surgeon, one who might be willing to close the hole that will appear in Carlton’s head on the day of surgery. As opposed to making him come back to the OR and the whole general anesthesia thing. I checked her Facebook page. Today she is pushing butt remodeling.

Maybe I’ll sign up for a heart shaped booty. Mr C had a great plastic surgeon on tap last year. But, she moved to Atlanta.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Mr C had tuna melt. He has sort of sex fantasy memories of eating tuna melts in San Francisco when he was a wild and crazy guy. I had chicken salad sandwich. I have no fantasies about chicken salad. Or tuna melts for that matter.

A pretty normal Sunday. Only a couple visits to the dark side. Took a load of stuff to the Goodwill. And, I only brought two new things home, well, three if you count the earrings.

Mr C went to AA and for a bike ride.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Cheese Burgers today. Beef for Carlton. Turkey for me. With a side of cauliflower and tomato.

When the going gets tough, the tough go shoe shopping… In my case, at Nordstrom Rack in DC. I didn’t actually buy any shoes. But, I tried a bunch on. I saw shoes that I could have bought. But, remember I either walk or take public transit everywhere. So, I have to believe that the shoes I select are actually up to getting me somewhere. My shoes are not just feet covers but transportation devices. So, for now my shoe collection is unchanged at one pair of cowboy boots, one pair of Dansko Professionals, one pair of Keene sandals, and a pair of Mephisto sandals. Plus one pair of black suede pumps from way back in the last century. These are for a true emergency. The pumps are not up to walking anywhere.

Mr C is a little down today. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared the information with him? Well, the cat is out of the bag now. No way to unshare.

After looking at shoes, I figured it would be pretty lame to no walk down to the Tidal Basin and take in the cherry trees. A joy. I even liked the crowds. It could have been Tokyo. Girls in yukata. Families picnicking. Everyone taking pictures. Even me.

Enjoy Every Sandwich. Turkey and Cheddar with guacamole on a croissant for Mr C. Same thing on whole wheat pita for me. And clementines and deviled eggs.

Merkel cell carcinoma (MCC) is a deadly disease with a poor outlook for survival. Local recurrence occurs in 44% of patients;; multiple local recurrences occur in 15%. These recurrences usually happen within 5 months after the primary lesion is treated. About 15% of patients have palpable nodes at the time of diagnosis. Lymph node metastases eventually develop in 55% of patients, and distant metastases develop in 34%. Most metastases occur before the eighth month after diagnosis.

The areas where metastases are most likely to occur are the liver, bone, brain, and lung. The presence of distant metastases is the only factor that is consistently predictive of the outcome. The mean time to death after the discovery of distant metastases is 5 months. Mortality rates for patients with distant metastases are 75-100%. In patients without distant metastases, mortality rates are 4%.

OK, so that is where we are. Looks like a rocky 5 to 8 to 12 months ahead. Mr C might be one of the lucky ones. But, he hasn’t caught many breaks of late. I debated with myself most of last night – should I share with him exactly how bad this thing is. I printed it and gave it to him. Those who can not Google are at the mercy of those of us who Google way too much.

After reading the article – Skin Cancer – Merkel Cell Carcinoma – Mr C ate a hearty lunch (meatloaf, mac&cheese, broccoli) and set out figuring out what the best tax strategy would be, based on various time of death scenarios. He took it rather well.

On the other hand, I am not taking it so well. This new monster is a sleek fast moving monster. One that will try to kill Carlton this year.

Four doctor’s appointments next week. Surgery not scheduled.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Grilled Salmon on whole wheat roll. With guacamole. And maybe some deviled eggs. Still trying to get extra calories and protein into Mr. C. Still trying to keep extra calories out of me.