Category: The DayBook

Kona takes its parades very seriously. Even little 15 minute parades. And just being old doesn’t get you out of “marching”.

I am about “settled in”.  Billy and I watched the early morning surfers, had a little walk and then had breakfast. Then I made a little trek to the grocery for a starter set of food. I worked at getting “stuff” arranged and organized. And, I took my seriously arthritic shoulder for a test run in the ocean. The result wasn’t pretty. But, I am not giving up. I did not swim in Bermuda. I just floated around. Today I tried swimming.

I made these notes on the way for DCA to PHX on October 31, 2014. And, on the same flight from DCA to PHX on October 31, 2019, I reviewed them. And found that what was true 4 weeks after Mr C died was still true 5 years after he died.

Well, I am typing this at about 9AM – flying to Kona. Four weeks ago, today, I had already said goodbye to Carlton for the last time. I told him that I would see him, not later than 1PM because, I knew he was having company that afternoon.

Well, did he ever have company that afternoon. Fortunately, he died pretty. Maybe someday I’ll post the picture of him – all nice and dead. Of course, I took a picture. I am a photographer – that is what we do. But, frankly, he didn’t look all that different than the way he looked when he was napping.

I have been reflecting on grief these last four weeks. Why am I “doing so well”? 

• Since Dec 2, 2012 – I had seen the end coming.
• Carlton, got the message big time in early April of this year. 
• We had a long good-bye. We just missed a formal final goodbye. No loss really. We had said everything that needed saying.
• So, no “closure” issues. No guilt. No, if only I/we had.
• Carlton and I have a wonderful life together. He was an integral part of my life. Indeed, he was my life and I believe – I was his. And, that did not stop when he died. He is very much the center of my life today as he was 4 weeks ago. I don’t really see this changing. It might but, I don’t see that happening. Carlton is still around. I just can not see him anymore. He has moved to a parallel universe. He is like a sailboat that has sailed past the horizon. He is still here. I just can not see him. 
• How was that last dot point for serious denial, boys and girls? Hey, it works for me and is a darn sight cheaper than grief consoling. 
• Carlton always made me feel like I could do anything that I wanted or needed to do. (As long as I still had time to take care of him, of course.) That is a great gift. Well, that isn’t 100% correct. He made it clear that my car driving left much to be desired!
• Carlton did the planning to help me with his transit to the next level and my ultimate move to the widow level.
  • He left me with a tidy income stream.
  • He disposed of all letters from girlfriends, former wives, and my mother-in-law. 
  • He gave me permission to get rid of all of his stuff. Except for the sword, the chrome-plated bolt, and his little steam engine. 
  • Which means I can get rid of The Desk. AKA – the Arc of the Covenant. Every time we moved that thing was a problem. And, it is so everything bad about mid-1960’s middle-class decor.
  •  He extracted a promise that – when my lease ends – April 27, 2016, I will move to a continuing care retirement community. Honoring this promise will set me up for a much easier “old” age. 
• I had my “important” work at the Hospital. That provided structure for me. I didn’t have to wake up every morning as ask “What am I going to do today”. In Kona – that will be a question every morning. And there is a heck of a lot less to do in Kona. We’ll see how well I do there. Stay tuned. 
• Somehow, I think that for me, the fact that our lives were so intertwined make the fact that he is gone less painful. Because we were/are so intertwined he is still with me. Still a part of me. We were each slightly damaged individuals – together – we could pass for normal. And, since Carlton is still a part of me. I can still pass for a normal person. Just a smaller, tamer normal person. 
• So, we had a great life. And, while I am allowed a few moments of grief – which Carlton would consider self-pity – my main goal is to continue as Carlton would have. Enjoying. Life. Every. Single. Day.

So: How did I do? I moved to The Asylum before the lease ran out, but the monthly cost at The Asylum is sufficiently less than the rent at the apartment, so buying my way out of the lease was a wash after 4 months and to the good for the remainder of the lease.

As for Enjoying. Life. Every. Single. Day. I am trying and mostly succeeding. 

Two uneventful flights. Billy collected me from the airport and delivered me to the hotel. And left me with dinner of poke and avocado.

As soon as I put my phone on after landing, it started pinging me about tornado warnings, flood warnings,  thunderstorm warnings, etc back at The Asylum. Glad to be safely way. According to Alexa it is 80 degrees here,

Feeling jetlagged and a little goofy. But I think I will do some settling in and will try to stay awake until 8PM.

Ready,  set, go at 0530 hours tomorrow.

busy day today.  But all done now. Just have to get the Nats bats going. Not looking too promising at this instant.

Amazon earbuds arrived as promised today. They are pretty darn good noise canceling earbuds. But, I have old ears. So, I am not a good judge of sound quality. And, Alexa is just lagniappe. More on this later.

Nite nite. Tired.

. . . 

First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League

Worked today. Did absolutely nothing about getting ready to go. I will worry about that tomorrow.

My office is moving from our lovely gracious quarters to a rather less desirable and smaller location next Friday. I will not miss helping the nurses move. And, I am not looking forward to life in the new office. This will be our 4th location in 15 years. That’s the way in is when you are not a “profit center”.

I put my computer and all of its cables in a big ZipLock bag and wrote my name on it. That was my contribution to the move.

Must win game tonight for the Nats.

. . . 

First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League
Go Nats!

 

Another lovely day. Last night was another loss for the Nats in the Series. They have to win the next two games.

Went to work. Came home from work. I sort of ran to get the bus going and definitely ran to catch the bus coming home. Note to self: People with Senior Fare Cards should not chase buses.  Then I went to yoga. And did battle with the pharmacy about my drugs. I use the grocery store for my pharmacy because they are “cheap”. They are also grumpy and hard to deal with. A normal day in the life of a little old lady.

One way or the other 48 hours from now, I will be ready to go.

Snipped this picture from Fish Hopper’s web page. It nicely shows “my” room. For 50+ years, Fish Hopper was The Ocean View. Actually there was little view of the ocean because the screens were so dirty. It was a wonderful dive. With snarky waitresses. Beat up old guys drinking at any and all hours. This review of it remains on-line

The oldest restaurant in West Hawaii, this establishment is very popular with local people, mainly because it serves local food: combinations of American, Hawaiian, Chinese and Japanese. White sticky rice is served with everything (including breakfast), teriyaki sauce is poured on every imaginable meat and the helpings would please a sumo wrestler. Décor is nonexistent—Formica tables, drab walls and linoleum floors—but the service is quick and the prices low. The bar does a brisk business in the evenings.

In 2010 or so, The Ocean View went out of business and the Fish Hopper from Northern California moved in. They spent about a year cleaning the place and it is now a nice gentrified establishment. And, it is my breakfast joint of choice.

Having a lovely day here. Hopefully, the niceness will carry over to the evening and the Nats will get back their winning ways.

I am still in the extreme minimalist travel mode from summer. It is hard to go back to the old “maximum legal carryon” days. At this instant, I have enough “status” to check anything I want free, but, you never know about how I will be coming home.

I really enjoy not having to wrangle stuff.  I used to want to be sure that I had every possible comfort of home with me in Kona. Now it is sufficient to just be in Kona.

Well, maybe tomorrow I’ll start getting ready to go to Kona. Or not.

. . . 

First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League
Go Nats!

Turns out that the free coke machine, adorned with a large Coca Cola sign grievously offends our dietician. And for the last year, she has waged war to get the big sign removed. Well, she finally decided to switch to Pepsi as the vendor of free sodas at The Asylum. I presume the Pepsi machine is sans an offending sign. Note, I have lived here 4 years and never noticed the sign. And never partook of the free sodas or any of the beverages.

Last year when I came home from Kona a grocery store orchid was waiting for me. I expected it to die. Well, it didn’t. It came with direction to “avoid direct sun” and “water with one ice cube per week”. Ice cubes never seemed like a great idea. And after my visit to Singapore, “avoiding direct sun” seemed silly – so it went over to the window ledge.  It rewarded me with a couple of new leaves and a flower stalk. I will miss it’s blooming. One of my friends will have to take care of it.

I guess I will spring into action tomorrow and knock off my Going to Kona 2019 todo list. Today, I helped a friend make an origami money star. I went to visit a cat. I took a nap. I did some origami that ended up in the recycle box. And, I didn’t get any atta-girl notifications from my fitness tracker. An altogether fine fall day.

Nats lost last night. Hopefully, they will settle in this evening. Still, it has been 86 years. Not exactly true. The Washington Grays were a powerhouse in the Negro League and they won the League Championship in 1948 which was more or less the last year for the league.

. . .

First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League
Go Nats!

As opposed to the current state of our Orange Lord: Insecure destruction that you can not trust. Not even a little bit.

I am sort of slouching towards Kona. I truth I have about 30 minutes worth of things on my to do list. But, I seem to be enjoying dragging them out.

I did put one of my boxes to bed for overwintering. I hope that Ray the Rosemary Plant survives. It will depend on how cold it is and if it gets enough rain. The goddess is in charge.

The Orange Lord will be attending game five. OK Nats, it is time to sweep.

On a serious note John Pavlovitz was spot on today.  Hashtags wont save us.

. . .

First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League
Go Nats!

I guess I really have a cooktop because The Asylum insisted. (I don’t have an oven) But, the cooktop is a fine place to dry out money that needed a little freshening up before being converted into origami.

AND, I realized that I could use money from my shoebox of monies from places I have been. Money that in most cases is no longer “good”. Because the country is no longer in business or because the country has changed currency since I was there last and converting it is just too much trouble. Even if it is possible. The blue 5 is Canadian and is still good. The green and yellow 2’s are from Austrailia mid-1970s. So, expect currency origami.

And here is a sweet $20 gift – plus a reason to take a trip up to Canada – as if a reason is needed. Oh, Canada!

And, I did spring into action getting a few little odds and ends settled before heading off to Kona – One week from today.

. . .

First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League

 

The Asylum has a bar. The barkeep wasn’t busy so he produced this. I rather like the critters. He says they are trees. I don’t think so. Antlered gastropods are more like it. I think he should consider a career as a tattoo artist.

Anyhow, I think I should be doing something to get ready for Kona. Take money, credit card, passport, meds, phone, computer, cables and chargers. What else do I really need? Well, maybe glasses and a change of undies.

This morning,

the Iron Lady was sporting a curly W hat. Go Nats.

I would rather be in Kona.

Was just thinking that I took no pictures today. What? No pictures. Well, turns out I did take pictures.

Actually, it was a rather festive birthday dinner. Birthday’s are extra sweet when you are old.

This fine rainbow appeared while we were eating. It needed a little help from photoshop. Shooting thru double pane glass.

And finally – At the bus stop today.

All in all, it was a lovely day. But, Kona calls.

Went out to a fine Tex-Mex dinner at Guapos in highly gentrified Shirlington. It is about 2 miles and 50 years from The Asylum. Beer, tacos, guacamole, rice, beans, salsa, all that great stuff.

But, about cameras. The picture that is currently up top of the page.

It was taken with Shamu the Phone. (A Pixel 2 XL). That is about as good a picture as I can take these days. No matter what gear I am using. SO, I think I am going to leave the digital SLR at home this winter. And, my underwater camera flooded last year. So. Shamu the Phone will be my camera this winter. I will hate life if there are great big surfable waves. But, I am not a professional photographer, I am an old woman with a crappy shoulder.

Also, I want to catalog my photos from 2018 and 19. Plus make photo books for 2018 and 2019 for no apparent reason. I used to make them for Carlton. Not sure why I still make them. Also, want to work on editing videos. Likewise, for no apparent reason. So, I have plenty of photo projects for this winter. And, if I can swim and if I miss having a camera – well – BH Photo ships to Kona.

. . . 

First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League
Go Nats!