Category: The DayBook

I think he wants to just give up and die. If that is what he wants. I’ll be supportive. But, I hope he will either get over this “better dead” phase. Or at least sign onto some sort of palliative care program. Otherwise, I fear he will end up all covered in infected lesions. Sort of like leprosy.And I am no St Marianne Cope. Not even close.

And, I suddenly developed a raging sinus infection.

Enjoy Every Sandwich. Today we had chicken, Monterey Jack cheese, chutney, lettuce on a nice soft roll.

I took this picture thru a double pane of glass. But, he was too pretty to pass up. I think this is the male of “our” pair. A pair of starlings inhabit a hole in the side of our building. It is maybe 4 feet down from our balcony ledge. The pair chase off any other birds that come around. Mom and Dad and any number of fledglings spend many hours in the early morning and evening perched on our balcony ledge. No babies yet. But much coming and going from the nest area. And lots of bird songs. Starling have a lot to say. And they say it all night long. We like them.

I did not go with Mr C to see the plastic surgeon. Maybe I should have. She scared my poor guy. Telling him that he might need a complex skin flap. And, that was outside her pay grade. She can give you a heart shaped butt, but can not do a skin flap? Oh well. I don’t think a skin flap graft is the worse thing that can or will happen. But, it scared Mc C almost witless.

And everyday that creature on top of his head gets bigger and digs deeper. OK, Peg, time to summon the inner forces and move forward. But, which way is forward. This sucks.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Turkey, Swiss, and Cole Slaw on chabatta.

Might be about about time to put the Sakura theme away…

Tomorrow we are going visit a plastic surgeon, one who might be willing to close the hole that will appear in Carlton’s head on the day of surgery. As opposed to making him come back to the OR and the whole general anesthesia thing. I checked her Facebook page. Today she is pushing butt remodeling.

Maybe I’ll sign up for a heart shaped booty. Mr C had a great plastic surgeon on tap last year. But, she moved to Atlanta.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Mr C had tuna melt. He has sort of sex fantasy memories of eating tuna melts in San Francisco when he was a wild and crazy guy. I had chicken salad sandwich. I have no fantasies about chicken salad. Or tuna melts for that matter.

A pretty normal Sunday. Only a couple visits to the dark side. Took a load of stuff to the Goodwill. And, I only brought two new things home, well, three if you count the earrings.

Mr C went to AA and for a bike ride.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Cheese Burgers today. Beef for Carlton. Turkey for me. With a side of cauliflower and tomato.

When the going gets tough, the tough go shoe shopping… In my case, at Nordstrom Rack in DC. I didn’t actually buy any shoes. But, I tried a bunch on. I saw shoes that I could have bought. But, remember I either walk or take public transit everywhere. So, I have to believe that the shoes I select are actually up to getting me somewhere. My shoes are not just feet covers but transportation devices. So, for now my shoe collection is unchanged at one pair of cowboy boots, one pair of Dansko Professionals, one pair of Keene sandals, and a pair of Mephisto sandals. Plus one pair of black suede pumps from way back in the last century. These are for a true emergency. The pumps are not up to walking anywhere.

Mr C is a little down today. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared the information with him? Well, the cat is out of the bag now. No way to unshare.

After looking at shoes, I figured it would be pretty lame to no walk down to the Tidal Basin and take in the cherry trees. A joy. I even liked the crowds. It could have been Tokyo. Girls in yukata. Families picnicking. Everyone taking pictures. Even me.

Enjoy Every Sandwich. Turkey and Cheddar with guacamole on a croissant for Mr C. Same thing on whole wheat pita for me. And clementines and deviled eggs.

Merkel cell carcinoma (MCC) is a deadly disease with a poor outlook for survival. Local recurrence occurs in 44% of patients;; multiple local recurrences occur in 15%. These recurrences usually happen within 5 months after the primary lesion is treated. About 15% of patients have palpable nodes at the time of diagnosis. Lymph node metastases eventually develop in 55% of patients, and distant metastases develop in 34%. Most metastases occur before the eighth month after diagnosis.

The areas where metastases are most likely to occur are the liver, bone, brain, and lung. The presence of distant metastases is the only factor that is consistently predictive of the outcome. The mean time to death after the discovery of distant metastases is 5 months. Mortality rates for patients with distant metastases are 75-100%. In patients without distant metastases, mortality rates are 4%.

OK, so that is where we are. Looks like a rocky 5 to 8 to 12 months ahead. Mr C might be one of the lucky ones. But, he hasn’t caught many breaks of late. I debated with myself most of last night – should I share with him exactly how bad this thing is. I printed it and gave it to him. Those who can not Google are at the mercy of those of us who Google way too much.

After reading the article – Skin Cancer – Merkel Cell Carcinoma – Mr C ate a hearty lunch (meatloaf, mac&cheese, broccoli) and set out figuring out what the best tax strategy would be, based on various time of death scenarios. He took it rather well.

On the other hand, I am not taking it so well. This new monster is a sleek fast moving monster. One that will try to kill Carlton this year.

Four doctor’s appointments next week. Surgery not scheduled.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Grilled Salmon on whole wheat roll. With guacamole. And maybe some deviled eggs. Still trying to get extra calories and protein into Mr. C. Still trying to keep extra calories out of me.

The little cancer doctor decided that the bump on Mr C’s head was over his pay grade. Carlton was sent to see the big cancer doctor ASAP. ASAP was this very afternoon. Carlton called me a said “I have Merkel Cell Cancer”. A quick Google tells me that this is bad stuff really. You get a really warm fuzzy feeling when your doctor whips out his computer and starts Googling. He was using the hospital WiFi, I was using my T-M0bile LTE connection – I beat the doctor.

So, week after next, the big cancer doc will remove the big red bump, in the OR. (See yesterday’s post). We were just sort of hoping that we would have a few more good months. Those months have been postponed.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Chicken Salad. With a side of steamed broccoli.

(The little cancer doc couldn’t let all the revenue waltz out the door. He cut a little chunk of cancer off Mr. C’s face.)

The neighborhood cherry trees are out in force. So, why not snag a little Sakura theme for a little spring cheer? This theme needs a little tweaking to use with my site – but, I am going to leave it as is. After all, the cherry blossoms are fleeting.

And now for something ugly…

Today, I deployed the deck chair for the first time this year. As soon as I got all comfy – a cloud covered the sun. But, it is the idea that counts.

Today’s sandwich: Turkey and Swiss and cole slaw on a ciabatta roll. Enjoyed. For sure.

Mother Nature is a bitch. But, you have to admire her optimism. Sure, why not? We can do it. Grow something wonderful and alive  in a crack on the 17th floor of a concrete and brick building. Get enough green stuff growing and Mother Nature can mow down a 20 story building. Go for it Momma Nature.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Tuna today. Maybe even tuna melts. Depends on what Mr C wants. Enjoying Every Sandwich is not hard for us. We like sandwiches. A lot.

HL7. That is an arcane protocol that medical computers us2 to talk to each other. I find myself needing to speak HL7 myself. Trying to get our Employee Health computer to talk to the hospital lab computer(s). I am getting too old for this.

About this non-trivial chunk of cancer that he will have removed on Thursday. It is about the size of a cherry tomato. Growing right out of his skull.

Yesterday I started to worry again. (Hey it is my job isn’t it? Chief Worry Officer.) He agreed that if I say “We are going to the ER” then we will go to the ER, no waiting, whining, fussing or delays allowed.

Cold and rainy today.

The good news – Mr C is back to 143 pounds. Fully clothed and shoed. But, that is about what he usually weighs. He might need a couple more pounds, since he has is winter clothes on.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Chicken Salad Sandwich tonight. I’ll put some cheese on his. A little more protein. For lunch we had big bowls of chicken and veggie soup from the freezer. I had been holding back my chicken soup because I know it isn’t very high in calories. But, I am not longer forcing calories in to Mr C – like he was a foie gras goose.

Mr C continues to eat everything in sight and do most of his normal things. He is going to have a nontrivial chunk of cancer removed from his head on Thursday. The little cancer doc – the only remaining cancer doc – since the big cancer doc told Mr C byebye – will be doing the surgery in his office. Mr C will whine a little bit, but he has had this done lots of times.

After my great day of no worries yesterday – today, I started to worry about the infection that started exactly 3 weeks ago. I worry that it isn’t gone. Just hiding. Waiting to spring out again. There is something I can do. I can monitor his temperature like a mother hen.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Today’s offering will be turkey, lots of cheese and cranberry sauce on a fine buttery croissant for the patient. Turkey, a hint of cheese and lots of mustard on whole wheat pita for the caregiver.

Great fireworks last night. I didn’t begin to do them justice. Heck, I didn’t even set up the tripod. So, I can not complain.

I will complain about winter. I am tired of winter. Today to took the winter liner out of my raincoat and I stored my fuzzy bathrobe away. And my heaviest leggings have been banished to the back of the sock drawer. I’ll just be cold. Enough already, Mother Nature.

Another good day – that is two in a row. We are on a roll.

I took the day off from worry. And taxes. I was going to go shopping. But, I went to the grocery first. Ended up getting a chicken, sweet potatoes, and cauliflower. So, I cooked. The chicken spent an hour in the oven. I did yoga while the chicken was roasting. After 60 minutes – me and the chicken were both done. Mr C ate hardy. I exercised restraint.

Carlton took his bike for a ride today.

Fireworks tonight. Cherry Blossom Festival Fireworks.

I looked into renting a real photo-scanner. Realistically, I have more prints than I can scan the way I was doing it last summer before Carlton’s recurrence. I can rent a quality Kodak “professional grade” photo scanner for about $300 for 3 days. That might be about what it would cost to send everything to India to be scanned. But, I like the idea of doing it in my kitchen.  The scanner rental folk have been scanning medical documents for years. I think they are legit.

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Today’s Sandwich. Turkey with guacamole on English muffins. With lentil soup for Mr. C. Gotta pack in those calories, you know.